4 Weeks In

Been feeling down the last few days and I'm not really sure why. My coach put the next two weeks worth of training on my Training Peaks account, and everything is looking pretty overwhelming. I remember when I signed up for the training, I confirmed I would be on a 3 week build followed by a 1 week taper plan. Well.... so far, that doesn't seem to be the case - at least from what I can tell. I've been trying to keep up with the training as much as possible, but sometimes it's not so easy. My only "rest" day this week was on the Sunday drive back from Chicago so, of course, there wasn't much resting going on that day. I did my planned 1:45 bike the next day which, in all honesty, took a lot out of me after that 4 1/2 hour race on Saturday. I missed my swim Tuesday because I was exhausted, but since 1 out of my 4 swims is optional, I knew I could make it up later in the week. I did manage the one hour I was to spend on my feet that day, although that "Zone 2 run" ended up being a steady walk (I'm not sure my coach knew exactly what a Tough Mudder entailed and how grueling it can be.) I ended up getting out of work too late on Wednesday to be able to do, what I felt, was a safe two hour ride outdoors. So even though the time on the trainer was torture, I managed the full 120 minutes - only to be greeted by sore nether-regions and a numb left foot when it was all said and done (not sure if my cycling shoes were too tight or what, but this is the first time I've experienced that). The ride must've taken it out of me because when I attempted to wake up early the next morning to get my run and swim in before a late start at the office, I ended up snoozing my way through the alarm instead. Still, I had every intention of finishing after work - anticipating that all the kiddies would be out of the pool by the time my run ended around 7:45. When quitting time came, however, I was mentally and physically exhausted and decided to call it a night. And by call it a night, I mean, I was in bed before 9:00 p.m. Luckily, that early bedtime meant that I woke up nice and physically refreshed this morning, although my mental state was still giving me a bit of a problem. I went into the pool completely unmotivated, and seriously thought after 200 meters I would be calling it quits. Luckily, by the time my Main Set started something clicked and I was able to continue on - oddly enough, finding my mood improving with every 100 meters accomplished. I have my longest bike ride of the season scheduled tomorrow (actually, this will be my longest bike ride ever if I can pull it off). And although it is approximately 60 miles total, the plan is to do 30 miles out to a pancake joint for a nice, casual bite to eat before heading the remaining 30 miles back home. I'm not sure if that break is gonna be good for me or not - guess we'll see! Sometimes, I find myself asking if I've gotten in over my head. Can I really do this? What if I'm not focusing on the right things? I say I'm not worried about the marathon portion, but what if I need to be? What if I need to be putting more emphasis on the things that I don't THINK are going to be an issue. I've heard more than once: "Train hard, race easy." The training is definitely a bit of a bear and, again, I'm only a month in with 5 more to go. Wow - ONLY five months? Seems not too long ago I was sitting around during the month of January thinking I had all the time in the world to train for this thing. Aside from the physical aspect of getting the training in, my depression sometimes get the best of me and I am concerned how that could/will hamper my training as well. Just like yesterday, when I did absolutely no physical activity at all. I feel guilty when I skip a session, but then I question - "If I'm really feeling this bad (mentally or physically or both), how good a session is that going to even be?" Regardless, I do try to believe it when I tell myself that I'm doing the best I can. Yes, not every day is going to be a stellar training day, and there are going to be times when I don't feel up to it but still muddle through a workout (like this morning). I'm also unsure that I'm utilizing the full benefit of having a coach. Yes, the training plan is phenomenal and I think it's exactly what I need, but I'm not getting any feedback really - or encouragement - which I think is something that a person like me needs. Someone who thrives on positive affirmation that I'm doing what I need to be doing to get to where I want to be. (I currently have a text into the coach asking for a meeting next week to discuss this specific issue). Until then, I will attempt to remain confident that my improved biking and swimming distances are sufficing to get me across that finish line. I've already improved my biking average by 1mph (little victories, I know), and figure it can only go uphill (pun intended) from here, right?