Feelin' like a fraud

I've come to the realization recently that I am a physical fitness fraud. I've been "running" since 2005, and "competing" in triathlons for a year now, yet my exercise and eating habits outside of these events is more couch potato than iron(wo)man. I came home from a vacation in Disney World this past week weighing the most I've ever weighed in my entire life - 141 pounds. Now, some of you may be saying to yourself, "Are you kidding me? She's 141 pounds and she's complaining about this???" But for someone who is a self proclaimed "athlete," and comes from a family of obesity, this is a big deal.

I would say 99.9 percent of people who know me know that I have completed multiple half marathons, marathons and triathlons. I went through the lunch line at work the other day and I took two desserts. A patient told me "You don't look like you eat that much." My reply? "I work out a lot!" The truth is - I don't. Not even close. I barely trained at all for my first marathon, and for the second - I did a once-a-week long run on Saturday mornings and that was it. I trained hard for my first Olympic Triathlon, but the others I looked at as a way to maintain and have something to do that weekend. People come up to me and say, "You've done how many of these events? I could NEVER do that, that is awesome." When I hear this though, I almost feel fake - like I'm getting all the glory for barely any work. Now, that is not to say that the races and triathlons themselves aren't grueling (see my previous posts for the Chicago Marathon and the Shelbyville Back to Health Olympic Triathlon), but I just feel that my lack of training and my lack of eating the way I should mock the other athletes that are out there really working hard and making positive changes in their lives.

Because of this, I've decided to make changes all the way around. No longer will I be taking the easy way out, and "getting by" in these races. No longer will my work outs (lol - or lack there of) end with a trip to McDonalds. I recently went to the grocery and made healthy choices rather than unhealthy ones. The problem in this area is that I am such a picky eater that I am limited on what I will eat. I WISH that I liked a larger variety of foods, including vegetables, but I just don't.

I've also decided that I'm not happy just being a "thin" person anymore - although the thinness is fastly fading away as I pack on the pounds, accumulating more muffintop and cellulite than should be legal. I want to be fit and even toned. At 34 years old, I'm not getting any younger and it's going to be even harder to lose as time goes on.

So today I jumped on the treadmill for a three mile run, did some strength training with my home weights and stability ball, and am planning on eating in moderation this evening (and every evening from here on out) when I go out with a girlfriend later on. From now on, I will be a bona fide "athlete" instead of just playing one in the public eye. I will make good life choices that result in more than just a medal around my neck. And, when someone asked how I've lost so much weight (15-20 pounds is my goal), and how I stay so thin, I will honestly be able to tell them that it took a lot of hard work, dedication, good choices, and a realistic look at what I needed to do on the inside, in order to see results on the outside.