Week 6: Social Media

One of the things that I wanted to “Give up,” when I started this project was how much time, and in what ways, I use social media. For the month of February, I was to stay off all social media altogether. However, Facebook in particular has served a purpose in that I have been able to get questions answered and get referrals from other clinicians on some of the professional groups that I am a part of, so this goal was to be a challenge so say the least. I was still taking on new clients at that time, and trying to build up to a specific number, so I didn’t want to stay off social media 100%, however, I needed to find a way to make my use of Facebook more productive and healthier for me mentally.

What I mean by this, is that I tended to spend a lot of down time looking through Facebook posts and it was seriously taking a toll on my mental health. If I was at a red light, I’d whip out the phone and open the app. If I was in a doctor’s office, same. At home alone and feeling bored – I’d pull out the phone or Ipad and spend an immeasurable amount of time looking at others’ updates and “oh so glamorous,” lives. I use that phrase not to be condescending, but to keep it real as to the way I was seeing things from my perspective.

In 2007, before I joined Facebook, I would catch up with friends a few times a month and use that time to learn all about the things that had gone on in their lives. If there was any comparing I was doing between my life and theirs, it was few and far between because I was seeing maybe one or two people, groups, or couples a month. Now, instead of hearing about what a great time the Carrico’s had on their vacation last month, I’m seeing the 50 other couples who are celebrating their date nights, anniversaries, another kiddo and any number of other milestones in their world. Logging onto Facebook forced me to see friend after friend going out on a Friday or Saturday night, living it up while I spent that time cuddled up with a few four-legged friends and some Netflix. And it wasn’t that I wasn’t (am not) happy to see my friends happy, but whether I wanted to or not I was constantly comparing my life with theirs.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a pretty spectacular life and rarely have those woe-is-me moments, but when it looks like EVERYONE is having such a great week, time and time again, it tends to do a number on my psyche. Now, with this constant access, I wasn’t seeing one or two people having a great time, I was seeing ALL THE PEOPLE having a great time. And yes, I know that Facebook and other forms of social media are the highlight reel that we tend to show the world. No one is posting the completely mundane times that they’re being total sloths, or that day or two they were super down in the dumps and didn’t shower for 48 hours - I know this on a conscious level. However, subconsciously, I couldn’t keep from comparing myself to others and allowing it to bring me down at times.

Not only was it the comparison to others causing a negative impact, but it was also the sheer time spent on this apparatus. I felt like a slave to my phone – almost as if it was a compulsion to pick up and eavesdrop on others’ lives whenever I had a spare moment. It was keeping me from being mindful of the things around me, and just taking a moment to breath. It honestly got to the point that I was being affected by the time and mental effort spent on this time-suck.

All of this being said, I wanted to find a way to be more productive with my time on Facebook without having to give it up altogether. As I stated before, keeping up professional contacts, getting information about the AT (Appalachian Trail), putting my name out there in the hopes of a referral are all very good ways that FB can be used – I was just using it in those ways and THEN some… a little too often.

My solution to this problem was this: I ended up unfollowing (not to be confused with de-friending) all 233 of my “friends,” and deleting myself from groups that no longer served a purpose in my life. I didn’t do this to shun anyone, and it’s not that I didn’t want to see what was going on in my friends lives – but I wanted to get updates on my own terms. If I was curious as to any goings on with a particular person, I would go to their page and peruse the posts. Instead of seeing 50 people’s awesome lives, I was seeing one person’s awesome life. The perks of doing things this way was two-fold – 1: I was less apt to do that whole comparison thing I spoke about earlier, and 2: I was able to keep the “catching up,” with folks to the old fashion way of having an actual, live conversation when we got together. No longer did I want to meet up with someone for dinner once a month and them relay some great news about their lives, only to comment, “Oh yeah, I saw that on Facebook!” I mean, that’s the way it was done pre-2007. What was wrong with going back to the old primitive ways again?

Along with this change, I also began posting less, and differently, than what I had before. You know the Timehop feature that comes up on a regular basis? Or the ol’ “On this day,” option that you can click on to the left of your page? What I noticed about my own past postings is they mostly fell into three categories: mundane, negative or humble brags. Think about that. The three things I was sharing most on the platform that was to represent me and my life were either boring, pessimistic or self-serving. I don’t want to be known as that person and I’d like to think that’s not who I am. And if it is, and I want to change it, I certainly don’t want an electronic diary of the unhealthy ways in which I used to put myself out there for the world to see. So… I decided to post less, and to be more mindful about what I do post. If I had to take a guess, I would say the majority of what I have posted over the past 6 weeks has been either pictures or videos of my cat and/or dog, links to this blog for those who are following, or questions that I wanted answered. Yes, sometimes I’d have to catch myself from typing up some nasty rebuttal about a Trump comment or the fact that we’ve seen more snow in the month of March than all winter, but the fact is I DIDN’T post those things. I kept it light, and I kept it positive.

The wonderful thing about this change is that I have noticed a decrease in my woe-is-me moments and overall negativity. I haven’t been sitting at home on a Friday night feeling sorry for myself and asking the Universe when it was MY TURN to meet a romantic partner, or why I couldn’t be out whopping it up with a group of friends, because those things just weren’t popping up in my head anymore. I’ve heard people use the phrase, “Facebook is the Devil.” I would have to disagree. Facebook is not the Devil. It is the way that we utilize Facebook that determines how it impacts our lives. If you’re someone who uses the statement, “I hate drama,” on the regular, maybe don’t comment on posts that you know are going to stir the pot. If you are unhappy in your relationship and are thinking about leaving – maybe pull the trigger and leave that relationship rather than messaging ex-girlfriends and making decisions that go against your values. And if you find yourself being adversely affected mentally and emotionally by what you see and read, maybe take that variable out of the equation and log on less.